I am Lost

I feel very very very bad now..
I got no mood for my studies..
Hollyshit!!
My mum had left me at home and she went for the praying for "Gao Ong Ya"..
I was so despo..I am so emo...
Yea,I admit that I am emo for the very first time..
I don't know who I can talk to..
As my bud are not on9..
I am sad..
Tears rolls..
I couldn't stand for it anymore...

I understand,even though I had pray but if I didn't pay the effort,the result will be still the same..
I know..I understand..
But if I had pray,there's the confidences..
Just like my Speaking test..I surely got the very low marks!!!
I got the points..Many points..
But I got no chances to say as my teammates had involved into a quarrel..
Or I should say,an argument for a more polite way..
A not friendly argument..

My luck is damn not good!!
You said that when a person do good things,the luck will come..
I had changed much in this years..To a better person..
Not for the luck..For myself..To improve..
But why I seems like got the better luck when I am so bad..

I am not moody..It isn't a simply emo..
I am deeply sad..I could feel my heart is bleeding..
I am sad..I am not happy..

I got totally NO confident for this STPM after I had got my result in final..
My result dropped..
For few grade!!Not only marks!!
I got no confident to continue my studies..
I am lost..I feel very scare..
I scare to disappoint my parents..
Because they thought I am very good just because my midterm is quite okay..

I...I..I am lost..
Where's my direction..
T.T