Saturday, December 3, 2011

I am tired

I am tired of being realistic.
I am tired of stay my heart away from others.
I am tired of protect myself.
I am tired of keep force myself to stay strong.
I am tired of can't show the weak side of myself to other.
I am tired of not being myself.


I want to be naive coz I know there is always someone beside me.
I want to be blur even my bud will make a fool on me.
I want to be the "Ben ben de ShuWen".
I want to be myself.

I want to go home.
The place I felt protected.
The place I felt secured.
The place I felt warmness.
The place I felt I being myself.


Friday, September 16, 2011

Loads of Homework

I got damn a lot of assignment and presentation ar~~~
I had done 1assignment,1presentation.
But still left 1essay,1drawings,1lab report, and 2presentation.
Everything must done by next week.
Timeless timeless~~~
Nevermind,I can de!!!
=)

Yesterday is my first day to attend formal class.
Kinna happy with Philosophy,coz the lecture is using fluent English that I can understand very well.
*She graduated in Australia~ (Heard from rumours)
Kinna disappointed to Anatomy,coz the lecture is teaching in BI.
*BI=Bahasa Indonesia

Students are using BI for presentation too~
Cool yea!!
I totally don't know what they are talking except when they telling the topic.
Only topic will repeat in English.Those explaination continue in BI~
After explaination,they will ask us in English.
"Any question KPBI (Refer to international student)?"
*silences*
"Or you guys totally don't understand?"
*silences again, nodded*
"Ok..."
*Continue teaching in BI.*

I am so concentrate to listen to the lecture and those regular students at first.
Who knows...I fall asleep.
@@...
After that,my friend told me.
"You won't feel sleepy if you don't listen to them."
Then,I just do my own things.
Like copy notes from books.
Look here,look there.
Eh~ Really wor~ I am damn awake.

Anyway,we had made a complain towards this.
It is the lecturer problem.
We shouldn't having combination class with regular student.
Just the lecture want save time,energy and bla~
*Guess so*

Continue assignment~ Chaoz!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

New Life

For those who care,I am fine in Indonesia.
Had been live for 9days,many more 9days is waiting for me.

Life isn't that bad. At least the weather is cooling.
Just I got to buy drinking water or steal water from hostel cafe.
Coz we got no mineral water supply.
Pipe water here got heavy chlorine smell.
Make my skin n hair change dry after I bath.
Thinking to buy 1conditioner for my hair.
Of course,there is no heater for my bathing.
Due to the cooling weather and water,I bath once a day.
Here got no fan too.
Luckily here only hot in the afternoon,morning & night is cooling.
Especially at late night,freaking cold.
Our window is facing to corridor,kinna sad about this.
Coz I couldn't get fresh air into my room.
Thats why it having a damp smell.
So the only way is I open my door and window whenever I am in room.
For the circulation of air,though I got no privacy.

Started to make new friends here.
Anyone is not bad.
Some are nice enough.
But still lose my hometown buddy.
The bond is still far,maybe we still need time.

Walking had become 1of the most important transport and exercise everyday.
As my hostel is out from the campus.
So I got to walk those steep hill about 5-10minutes to step in the uni.
Then,20-25minutes to my faculty.
More or less 30minutes walking everyday.
Include steep hill,ladders and road.
Who ask my campus is built on a hill.
Anyway,treat as keep fit!

Just got an presentation yesterday though we haven't start class yet.
About nerve in brain and stuff.
New knowledge.
Got to find ownself about the information.
No lecture,no leader.
Everything got to built by myself..
Now only realise the fact of university life.
Hope I can go through it. =)

Yesterday orientation I get to know some Indonesian.
They are friendly.Make friend with you automatic.
Although we got abit communication problem.
Their English is not very good.
Speak BM with them,they don't really understand.
So most of the time,I just give them a big smile when I don't understand.
At the same time,they do this too. XD
Anyway,had learn a little bit of bahasa Indon and their accent.

I know many friend went local uni got many complain.
Just same like me.When I just arrive.
I am damn emo and down for the 1st day,1st night.
Far from family and friend.
The place I used to be.
To a new environment.New friends.
Felt lonely and helpless.

Think for whole night,many feelings.
Don't understand why I am here to make myself in such a condition.
Don't understand why I don't just choose local U and have better life.
And etc.
Cry until self fall sleep.
I felt better on the 2nd day after I cry out all my unsatisfied,sadness,emo and etc.

Then,new life begin.
Buy stuff that I need and arrange my things to the most comfortable position.
Every night also got things to do.
Arrange and tidy stuff.
Wash clothes.
On9.
Sewing.
Sweeping.
Cleaning.
Suddenly got so hardworking.
Maybe I am too free.
XD

Hope I got stronger after half year.
=)

Monday, August 29, 2011

Okay.
Thanks for the answer.
I will respect you.

Sorry for the dishonest and that day.
I am just too stupid.
I know guilty is totally useless for this.
And apologize too.

I get a very good lesson.
But I hate the 代价..
To lost a very close bud.
The ever close one.

But always bear in mind.
If there is a one day,you feel to hold back the relation.
Or even just look back.
I am always there.
Always.



Always a reservation in my heart.
For you.
You might don't know how deep it is.
Just like I can't imagine how deep I disappoint you.

I am Sorry.
=(

Friday, August 26, 2011

You

I hope to make this post is priority for U.
You'll know who you are.
My last wishes and it is the always one.
I hope our relation can back to previous.
Sincerely hope.

I rather you shout at me about what you are not happy at.
I hope that I could know what you are thinking between that few days after I told you that news.
I know it is my fault to being dishonest.
I don't want give any excuses.

There's many time that I was thinking just give up and stop struggling thinking how to get back your trust,your friendship and so on.
But after few minutes,I know I can't.
Even I said I am tired of all these.
But in my truly deep heart,I know there is a sound yelling.
"I want our friendship back! I want to back to old days time!"

I had even tried to act cool to you also.
Text you something for asking others number.
And don't want reply you a thanks you.
Because I know you won't reply a welcome.
But every time after I did this.
I am so guilty.
I am still sad.
I know I am childish.

I wonder,isn't my "balasan"?
For last time treat you like this also.
For 2years.
Should I give you 2years time also?
As my punishment.
If you ask me to do so, I am willing to wait.
Just 1sentences from you.

If you see this,I hope you can answer me.
Thanks.



I am disappointed that you couldn't make it for the previous meet up.
I even think of not to go,because you're not going.
But at last I still go because I am the organiser.

I really hope to meet up you once before I leave.

Feelings Before Depart

Time flies.
I gonna move my ass to plane next week.
And live at another place for at least half a year only can come back.

Many people asked,
"How you feel now? Excited?"
Erm..My answer is always the same..
No feelings.
But only thinking of what I need to bring and I haven't noticed.

And my brother keep telling me to appreciate people still around me.
At first,I don't understand what the hell he is talking.
Repeating the same thing that I don't understand is annoying.
After that I suddenly realised.
Yet I don't want to face it.
Because I believe it won't happen.
I trust.

There are few things I hope I can changed after these 5years and half.
1st, I can be more independent.
I admit I am quite pamper and used to rely on others.
But I got less worries for this.
As I believes human can adapt to its environment,just time is needed.

2nd,I can be more smart.
I admit I am too naive and easily believe on people.
I must change!!!
As you know,people like this hardly success in the CRUEL society.

3rd,improve my social skill.
I know most people will give me a 'Boo'.
But actually I am much more timid than last time.
I not dare be the 1st person to speak to other and etc.
Besides,my speaking skills will make others misunderstand and thought I am not happy or what..So I got to improve.

4th,5th,6th...
Haven't think.
Hahaha..

The last wishes.
I will put it in next post.
=)

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Why always I must be the one appreciate others?
Have you ever think before,when someone always appreciate others but no one appreciate itself.
Will it continue be appreciate and be good to others?
Please!!
You make me feel to get out of here,as far as possible and don't want go back.
House sick? Might force to do so.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Flight~

Few days before, I am struggling with those agents stuff.
Now, I am straight under Indonesia agency.
Great~ No need "fan"~

Well, I am quite confirm to go there because I had paid quarter of first year fees.
But if others asked me,I will still answer not sure.
Because I still can't make sure that I am to there until I am on the flight.
Hehehe..
I hope I can cope the studies.
I know it is very tough and stressful.
I know I will homesick too~!
Anyway, I will treat it as part of obstacles in my life.
Bless me!!! >.

Departure time is 0945 on 2 Sept.
But I am asked to reach LCCT at 0700.
Honestly, I felt quite lonely because I am different agent with ZJ.
So maybe our flight are different.
Haiz~ Nevermind la~
My parents will follow me~ Wakakaka..
But his parents not going. So sad huh~

Need to start list down my stuff le~!! >.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Troubles

Arrrgghhhhhhhhhh~!!!!!!
There are many problems.
I am so damn f*cking "fan"~!!!!
Wtf!!!!!!!!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Imma back!

Woots! Suddenly got the mood to blog~
And realise I had didn't touch this for few months~
There were many things had happened within this few months.
Gonna written those more important one.
Hehehe..

First of all, I went China 张家界.
It is a very nice place,nice view,nice food but too oily to us.
Capture many photo but didn't upload because all the photo memory was with my elder brother and he went Germany to work straight on the 2nd day after we back from China.
He had back to Malaysia few days before but he haven't copy to computer.
So stay tuned! Hahaha..
But I not gian gian want upload already coz already past too long.

Second, I had my IELTS test and I passed!
Overall 6.5 and I am satisfied with it.
Coz at least I had passed the mininum requirement for most private college.

Third,I had my entrance exam for University Padjajaran, Indonesia.

I passed as well and got the course of Dentistry.
Happy~
I never thought I will passed coz I didn't attend any tuition class as my agent couldn't manage to get a Indo-teacher to us.
Anyway,nice experience!
Between,I am going there.
The register date is 5Aug but mostly I'll skip the 2weeks orientation.

Nervous!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I'll wait

I hope everything can go back to last time.
But not the 2years time.

I hope the relation is not just helping.
But using the sincerity.

There is no next time.
I won't lie on you.Any single.

Trust me.
I will wait the day we get back.
No matter how long.

^^V

I know you do care.
But I never know it is so much.
More than what I expect.
It will be touch if there is no conflict happen.

Yet now,I feel a bit bit stress.
Coz I know I did it wrongly.
But it had happened.
What can I do?
To make the situation better.

I hope there is something.
Not matter it is scold or what.
Better than the silence.
Anything is better than silence.

Read means my blog?
Why not?
I still treat you as my ever bud.



I do care you much.
Though I worry someone will misunderstand.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Compact Life

Time flies.Count down-ing for my IELTS exam.
*IELTS is some sort like MUET but MUET is for local U whilst IELTS is for private.

Only start serious prepared it since last week.
I had finish my own exercise book which was gave by my agent.
Now I borrowed book from AhKam who had finished his IELTS the weekend before last week and PeiRuh who had went their workshop which cost her RM300 for 4days,3hours per day.
*It is farking expensive,I know.But it is cheaper than you need to re-take which cost you RM550.Right? This made me think of what if few months before when I got my MUET result and I "rasuah" them with RM50 or even RM100 to get 1more mark for my band to pop to band4.Then,now I no need to pay for this Rm550.>..<!!!

The last thing was...I doesn't mean to really trick on you.
First,I hope to let you know after it is stable.And before public. I never know how the others get it.But once I found out some of them knew,the first person I want to tell is you.I know it is abit too late because they had knew.But I already tried my best to tell you as fast as possible.I don't know what make you react like that.May be you doesn't care about the timing which I care on? I don't know.
Second,I scare it might hurt you.Ya,I am over look on myself.I didn't have the courage to tell you like that. I know I hurt you once,so I told myself,"There's never a second time because you are my ever besties."(It is shame to say that you know me very well but I don't really know what you are thinking.I am not a good friend indeed.) When I found out you are ok with it,but I don't know how to tell,how to start.

Nothing I can say but sorry. Can you just tell me what you are thinking? I am worry about you.I don't mind you lost some trust to me because I believe I can build up your trustful though it need time. I plan to find you again after my trip because I am slightly busy nowadays. I will!!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Life

To the one who cares me,I got 1thing to say~

Guess what?Lolx..

I am going trip again next month~ XD

Feel damn shuang n excited~
My life after STPM is so damn enjoy..
Work also less..
No study..
Shuang dao bao!!!
Got the feel like doing "xiu lai lai"~
Hehehe...

BUT I swear I not going to carry camera this time!!!
T.T

"Dark shadow"~


ps: I found out I forget to write where I go and with who~
I going China,Chang Sha.There have 1 place call 张家界.
Those "promoter" from MATTA fair said the view is v.v.v.v.nice..
Many view from Avatar is from there..I was so "wao~,got anot~~"
Den I google it,really damn nice!
But I hope still that nice la..
Coz due to the pollution nowadays,the view also slowly got polluted.
And it wasn't very cold or very hot now~
Around 12 degree celcius to 19 degree celcius...
Macam air cond la~
Okay de lar~~
^^~

Thursday, March 17, 2011

=.=

不是我不要找你,是因为我没有理由找你。。
我不知道找你可以讲什么。
我又怕你在忙,没空理我。
然后心情不太好的我很不爽,所以就不找你。。

虽然话是这么地说,但我还是会时不时拿起手机来看。。
哎哟!总之就是烦!!

Bored life

Yeeeee~ Long time din blog edy..
My life is kinna boring~!!
Coz I no work..
3months passed..
Money finish liao~
Cham..Cant go out play le..


I need job ar~

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

人生会遇上的四个人

第一个是自己,

第二个是你最爱的人,

第三个是最爱你的人,

第四个是共度一生的人.



首先会遇到你最爱的人,然後体会到爱的感觉;

因为了解被爱的感觉,所以才能发现最爱你的人;

当你经历过爱人与被爱,学会了爱,才会知道什么是你需要的,

也才会找到最适合你,能够相处一辈子的人。

但很悲哀的,在现实生活中,这三个人通常不是同一个人;

你最爱的,往往没有选择你;

最爱你的,往往不是你最爱的;

而最长久的,偏偏不是你最爱也不是最爱你的,

只是在最适合的时间出现的那个人。

你,会是别人生命中的第几个人呢?

没有人是故意要变心的,他爱你的时候是真的爱你,

可是他不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了,

他爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你;

同样的,他不爱你的时候也没有办法假装爱你。

当一个人不爱你要离开你,

你要问自己还爱不爱他,

如果你也不爱他了,千万别为了可怜的自尊而不肯离开;



如果你还爱他,你应该会希望他过得幸福快乐,

希望他跟真正爱的人在一起,绝不会阻止,

你要是阻止他得到真正的幸福,就表示你已经不爱他了,

而如果你不爱他,你又有什么资格指责他变心呢?

爱不是占有,

你喜欢月亮,不可能把月亮拿下来放在脸盆里,

但月亮的光芒仍可照进你的房间。

换句话说,你爱一个人,也可以用另一种方式拥有,

让爱人成为生命里的永恒回忆,

如果你真爱一个人,就要爱他原来的样子─爱他的好,也爱他的坏:

爱他的优点,也爱他的缺点,

绝不能因为爱他,就希望他变成自己所希望的样子,

万一变不成就不爱他了。



真正爱一个人是无法说出原因的,

你只知道无论何时何地、心情好坏,你都希望这个人陪著你;

真正的感情是两人能在最艰苦中相守,也就是没有丝毫要求。

毕竟,感情必须付出,而不是只想获得;

分开是一种必然的考验,

如果你们感情不够稳固,只好认输,

真爱是不会变成怨恨的.

两人在谈情说爱的时候,

最喜欢叫对方发誓,许下承诺我们为什么要对方发誓,

就是因为我们不相信对方,我们根本不相信情人,

而这些山盟海誓又很不切实际:

海枯石烂、地老天荒,都不能改变我对你的爱!

明知道海不会枯、石不会烂、地不会老、天不会荒;

就算会,也活不到那时候。



许下诺言的时候千万注意,不要许下可以实现的诺言,

最好是承诺做不到的事,

反正做不到的,随便说说也不要紧,

请记住:”不可能实现的诺言最动人”

在爱情里,说的是一套,做的是另一套;

讲的人不相信,听的人也不相信。

你呢?找到了第几个?

茫茫人海中,你遇见了谁?谁又遇见了你?



第一我肯定遇过了。。
第二也许遇过。。
第三不太懂。。
但,我现在只希望你会是我遇到的是第四个。。

Friday, January 21, 2011

Quote

Love life~

His dear love her dar.
Her dar love his dear.
^^~

Friday, January 7, 2011

MUET

MUET result is out yesterday.
And I got band 3 with 179marks.
1 more marks and I will get band 4.
Very the "diu"!!!!!!
Sorry for the rudeness but I really "kek" dao...
You know what..
When I go take the result from teacher,she ask me to see from their teacher copy (they have all the student marks and gred).
I just simply look at my name and straight to my score.
179!!! But above me is 177.
As it is a big and long paper.
So I request teacher to give me a ruler.
But she rejected and ask me straight away see from my result paper.
When I tearing the paper,my mind set is...
I prefer 177 than 179!!!
I don't want so suey!!
But the fact still...Haihz...

So now I am busying with those appeal things..
Wish me luck.
Hope I could get the 1mark..>.<

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Life After STPM

I had officially ended my STPM on 16 Dec 2010~!
No matter how was my result,at least I had tried my best.

Then,I went Port Dickson and Melaka with my bestie straight after exam.
There were 12 of us.HueyHsien, HuiChin, MeiTing, PohLing, ZhongJie, SoonTeck, HockGuan, CheeHo, WuChen, JiaYang, FuTzen and me~! 3cars going. ZJ's car got HG,HC and WC. CH's car got HH,PL and me. FT's car got ST,JY and MT. We stay at ZJ's house at Port Dickson.We clean up his house once we reach coz there are too dirty.We girls sweep and mop floor while guy don't know do what outside the house.They say they are cleaning the dog shit in front of the house.*Wondering 1 dog shit need so many guy clean?Lolx..Anyhow,we settle down ourselves before 6pm.

Then,we ready for the BBQ section~
Before this,we girls cheat guys that all the food I buy is vegetarian de..
And I just realised.Then I act innocent and "nei jiu"~ Hahaha..Most suit dy.Coz I blur blur one~All of them believe and want go out buy MEAT~Lastly we only tell them the truth when they ready to start their car.
We buy too many food already.So left many fishball.

After that some of the guy sing k (not go ktv sing,is just sit in front of the laptop and look at the lyrics and sing~),those couple go "keng xim shi"~ Some go lie on bed and ready to sleep.Of course,I am the one who lying on bed la..>.<
At the same time,someone same nasib with me,so both of us chat in the room and listen the "song" sang by those guys~

The 2nd day~
We wake up early morning about 4am for the sun rise but unluckily,we failed to see coz we couldn't find a place have the nice view to see~So we go home to continue sleep until 10am.Then tidy up ourselves by using 2hours and have our lunch at 12pm.Then we go "Tiara",the don't know is resort or hotel. We are planned to swim but some of girls having period,some didn't bring swimsuit and eg. So end up girls just chit chat there and guys swim after they futsal. Unfortunately,there's rain. So we got to go home earlier. Then,we sleep again~ But some watch drama,some play card and etc. Then,we night go Seremban for our dinner~Eat crab..But ZJ felt uncomfortable that night,don't know what reason. None of us dare to kacau him coz he is so fierce! >.< Then,we go home after dinner. Once we reach home,own activity again after we clean the house~
*1thing happen but didn't want to share^^..*

The 3rd day~
We go Melaka~Reach there at noon.Go to our apartment and my first thing is to shit there! Lolx.. Couldn't shit well at ZJ's house as his house. Then, some of us plan to walk walk but another some plan to swim. So we divided. 4 of them go shop and the rest swim~Then,own activity again after swim as the 4 walk walk de hvn come back. Then dinner at jonker street~ After dinner,we separated and walk. Of course I with PL~ So ngam both of us like see de is same things. Those bags,acessories and etc. Around 10pm,we felt tired and decided to walk back to the parking. But we couldn't contact the others. So sad~! Then we find them like crazy..Finally~ We find dao..Then go home. That night I quite bu shuang coz very tired edy,that sei ZJ still ask me carry this and that. He guy lor! Ishhh..Suan le,I had carried and I don't want argue with him,no energy..Tired~!! *Something had happened and not going to share as well~*

The 4th day~
Nothing much. Eat lunch and go home~

After I had back home. I got to rush to SueYee's party. Damn tired. Then,I also got to pack my luggage for China trip 2days later. Rush rush rush~!!

For my trip in China,overall is fun and not bad. The only things is I lost my camera at the last day!!!!! I damn sad for this..T.T
That's all. Not much..Sad