最近很低落。。
身边的人应该都不知道。。
上了大学，演技越来越好。。
很多很多的失望，失落。。
都埋在自己的心底。。
讨厌自己这么容易受伤。。
不喜欢自己。。
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
PPM camp!
Yea! I am back!
This post gonna talk about the camp I had went last weekend.
PPM, a short form of Pengabadian Pada Masyarakat is the name of the camp.
It was organized by regular (Indonesian student) every year.
It purpose is to help the resident of that village to check their teeth.
Or if they had any problem about oral, they can had free treatment here.
This is the 1st time all KPBI (Malaysian) student attend to the camp.
As this is a voluntary camp, so many lecturers are suprised that KPBI student attend.
Somemore with full attendance.
But infact, we thought it is a compulsory camp until we reached there.
>.<~~~
Anyway, it is a special experience and I enjoyed the camp.
But if you asked me go for the second time, I will not go because...
Erm.. This kind special experience right, tried once is enough already la~ Hehehe..
Feelings the day before I went:
Seriously felt very unwillingly, because we had exam after the camp.
And I am not prepared for it!
So feel quite stress for that few days.
Then quickly packed everything I need.
Most of my classmate had bought a LOT of FOOD to there.
Like going war for a month!
Really LOL~
Only I didn't buy I guess.
Really too over le la~ LOL...
That night I only sleep about 2hours because I want to finish some topics before I go to the bloody camp~
The camp is in a poor, rural village which located on the top of the hill, so the weather is freaking cold.
It is cooler than Genting or Cameron or any places you can think of in Malaysia.
Seriously! We can see smoke come out from our mouth when we talking. And the time is only 6pm!
The first thing we reached there is to eat our lunch.
Then, they asked us to put our things in the place we stayed, which is the houses of resident there.
After that, we asked to clean the school (place we going to use as 'clinic').
That day, KPBI and regular student got a bit unhappy stuff happened.
May be our culture are different, so the way we work are different as well.
So they not happy with us when we done our cleaning and we sit aside.
We don't understand why they keep clean the same place which we had cleaned.
A few misunderstand lor.. So they not happy, we as well.
While waiting them to settle their stuff, I sleep. >.<~~~
Suddenly I awaked because I felt very cold.
My friend told me,the weather started change cold already.
WTH~ It is only 3pm and the wind blowing is cold.
After all and all, we had our dinner and go back to our home at 8pm.
Then our 'ibu' cooked hot water for us to bath.
She is so nice, she even cooked dinner for us.Although we very full already, but we still eat some.
She keep take out food for us, like afraid we hungry like that.
So friendly!
And this is the 1st time I bath with well water!
It is so cold! And it is doesn't look dirty! Just like normal tap water. Cool man!
Besides that, I am very lucky to get a toilet with door!!! And it is built in somemore.
Appreciate it!!!
Many friend of mine is not only built outside, and also no door for some.
So public! LOL~ Really regret for didn't capture photo for it. =(
Second day, wake up at 4.40am.
Then teach primary student how to brush teeth.
Only regular are on duty.
So I back to the base camp to sleep~~~ ZzZzZ
After that cleaning again~
This time really clean properly, because if not clean enough, tonight after KOAS (4th year and 5th year senior that coming to duty as dentist) checked, we need to clean again~
The main thing is we need to wake up at 2am because 2.30am we need to start sterilize instrument.
After cleaning, it is about 4pm already.
I planned go home to bath, because I want to wash my hair! Too dirty already.
But they don't let, because they are tonight 7pm got makrab (something like penutup or pembukaan, not very sure). I was like..=.=!!! Still got 3hours more la.. Aduh~~~
Then I end up sit there do nothing until 7pm. *Emo that time*
After the makrab had started, I was sitting with my classmate that I don't really very close.
So I am v.v.v.v.v.boring and when I almost fall asleep, one of my friend (Nishanth) asked me to sit beside him. Reason: He very sleepy, need some entertainment. =.=!!!
But still feel very happy la, at least I can bring joy to others. =)
Then we play lor, chat lor, teasing each other lor, etc
1 incident happened, Elson tell Haqimi that I want to know a chinese regular.
Then Haqimi go tell that guy!!! OMG!!! I so shy lar!!!!! So over lor them!!!
3rd day, sterlize instrument on 3am then continue until 2pm.
Arrange all tables and chairs then can go home!
During carrying those tables and chairs, I need to avoid to met that chinese regular, because I don't want him to recognize me and also HAQIMI!!! He keep fool on me!!! Isshhh!!!
Then, go home~
A very interesting and fun camp. Enjoyed it and I will miss every single moment of it.
Cheers!!!
Semangat PPM!!! <<< Regular like to say this.. I guess is Jia You PPM..Or something like this la..
This post gonna talk about the camp I had went last weekend.
PPM, a short form of Pengabadian Pada Masyarakat is the name of the camp.
It was organized by regular (Indonesian student) every year.
It purpose is to help the resident of that village to check their teeth.
Or if they had any problem about oral, they can had free treatment here.
This is the 1st time all KPBI (Malaysian) student attend to the camp.
As this is a voluntary camp, so many lecturers are suprised that KPBI student attend.
Somemore with full attendance.
But infact, we thought it is a compulsory camp until we reached there.
>.<~~~
Anyway, it is a special experience and I enjoyed the camp.
But if you asked me go for the second time, I will not go because...
Erm.. This kind special experience right, tried once is enough already la~ Hehehe..
Feelings the day before I went:
Seriously felt very unwillingly, because we had exam after the camp.
And I am not prepared for it!
So feel quite stress for that few days.
Then quickly packed everything I need.
Most of my classmate had bought a LOT of FOOD to there.
Like going war for a month!
Really LOL~
Only I didn't buy I guess.
Really too over le la~ LOL...
That night I only sleep about 2hours because I want to finish some topics before I go to the bloody camp~
The camp is in a poor, rural village which located on the top of the hill, so the weather is freaking cold.
It is cooler than Genting or Cameron or any places you can think of in Malaysia.
Seriously! We can see smoke come out from our mouth when we talking. And the time is only 6pm!
The first thing we reached there is to eat our lunch.
Then, they asked us to put our things in the place we stayed, which is the houses of resident there.
After that, we asked to clean the school (place we going to use as 'clinic').
That day, KPBI and regular student got a bit unhappy stuff happened.
May be our culture are different, so the way we work are different as well.
So they not happy with us when we done our cleaning and we sit aside.
We don't understand why they keep clean the same place which we had cleaned.
A few misunderstand lor.. So they not happy, we as well.
While waiting them to settle their stuff, I sleep. >.<~~~
Suddenly I awaked because I felt very cold.
My friend told me,the weather started change cold already.
WTH~ It is only 3pm and the wind blowing is cold.
After all and all, we had our dinner and go back to our home at 8pm.
Then our 'ibu' cooked hot water for us to bath.
She is so nice, she even cooked dinner for us.Although we very full already, but we still eat some.
She keep take out food for us, like afraid we hungry like that.
So friendly!
And this is the 1st time I bath with well water!
It is so cold! And it is doesn't look dirty! Just like normal tap water. Cool man!
Besides that, I am very lucky to get a toilet with door!!! And it is built in somemore.
Appreciate it!!!
Many friend of mine is not only built outside, and also no door for some.
So public! LOL~ Really regret for didn't capture photo for it. =(
Second day, wake up at 4.40am.
Then teach primary student how to brush teeth.
Only regular are on duty.
So I back to the base camp to sleep~~~ ZzZzZ
After that cleaning again~
This time really clean properly, because if not clean enough, tonight after KOAS (4th year and 5th year senior that coming to duty as dentist) checked, we need to clean again~
The main thing is we need to wake up at 2am because 2.30am we need to start sterilize instrument.
After cleaning, it is about 4pm already.
I planned go home to bath, because I want to wash my hair! Too dirty already.
But they don't let, because they are tonight 7pm got makrab (something like penutup or pembukaan, not very sure). I was like..=.=!!! Still got 3hours more la.. Aduh~~~
Then I end up sit there do nothing until 7pm. *Emo that time*
After the makrab had started, I was sitting with my classmate that I don't really very close.
So I am v.v.v.v.v.boring and when I almost fall asleep, one of my friend (Nishanth) asked me to sit beside him. Reason: He very sleepy, need some entertainment. =.=!!!
But still feel very happy la, at least I can bring joy to others. =)
Then we play lor, chat lor, teasing each other lor, etc
1 incident happened, Elson tell Haqimi that I want to know a chinese regular.
Then Haqimi go tell that guy!!! OMG!!! I so shy lar!!!!! So over lor them!!!
3rd day, sterlize instrument on 3am then continue until 2pm.
Arrange all tables and chairs then can go home!
During carrying those tables and chairs, I need to avoid to met that chinese regular, because I don't want him to recognize me and also HAQIMI!!! He keep fool on me!!! Isshhh!!!
Then, go home~
A very interesting and fun camp. Enjoyed it and I will miss every single moment of it.
Cheers!!!
Semangat PPM!!! <<< Regular like to say this.. I guess is Jia You PPM..Or something like this la..
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Random
YooHoo~~~
Malaysia! My sweetest home! I am coming BACK!!!
My dearest family~ My dearest jimui~ Wait meeeeee... XD
They, are my biggest determination when I faces problem.
They, are the one who give me energy and braveness.
They, are my everything.
Of cause, my Dar play an important role too.
When I got problem, the only person I can tell is him.
Well, lately I got conflict with some of my classmates.
To be accurate, is 2 of them.
Hmmm...Story is too long to type out. I am lazy.
To conclude it, I don't mind got hated or what ever.
Cause, u are not under my concern.
And u got your right to angry, I got mine too~
I won't treat you like how u treat me.
Coz it will make me feel like, I am same like u.
I am not that 'small gas'.
I will respect u.
Just see when u can be more generous and respect me back.
If u feel to back step me, go ahead.
I am too used to it during last sem.
I will just be myself. =)
Malaysia! My sweetest home! I am coming BACK!!!
My dearest family~ My dearest jimui~ Wait meeeeee... XD
They, are my biggest determination when I faces problem.
They, are the one who give me energy and braveness.
They, are my everything.
Of cause, my Dar play an important role too.
When I got problem, the only person I can tell is him.
Well, lately I got conflict with some of my classmates.
To be accurate, is 2 of them.
Hmmm...Story is too long to type out. I am lazy.
To conclude it, I don't mind got hated or what ever.
Cause, u are not under my concern.
And u got your right to angry, I got mine too~
I won't treat you like how u treat me.
Coz it will make me feel like, I am same like u.
I am not that 'small gas'.
I will respect u.
Just see when u can be more generous and respect me back.
If u feel to back step me, go ahead.
I am too used to it during last sem.
I will just be myself. =)
Monday, July 2, 2012
人面。情谊
最近，班上有一位同学常找我聊心事。
她说，在班上她没有好朋友。
因为跟她很好的最后都不理她。
关系都变得很差。
也说了很多很多别人的坏话。
后来我发现她曾找了几个人说心事。
说了一样的事，
我会发现是因为她找的那几个人，在说她的坏话。
我真的觉得人面很可怕，
她可以安慰你，替你加油，
但是背后说你坏话。
很奇怪叻！
其实我很同情她，但是我帮不了她。
因为我也不太喜欢她的个性。
也许她太直接，常常会突然被她骂，被她喝。
其实我也半斤八两，
因为我有安慰她，即使我没有很喜欢她。
但是我绝对没有在背后说她坏话。
我在想：面对一个很伤心的人，谁都会安慰几句吧。
只要不要当双面人就好了。
后来我在想，
其实我的处境，跟她差不多，
只是没她那么多人讨厌。
我也没有好朋友啊~
我也是一个人啊~
吃晚餐的时候，也是没有人会叫我呀~
所以呢？习惯就好了。
听起来很悲，但是跟着一大班人一起，感觉还是像一个人，那更悲。
再一次和朋友的谈话当中，
我才知道原来我在别人眼里，
是一个不会伤心，不会难过，不会想不开的人。
对他们来说，
我是一个很开朗，很开心，不会有烦恼的人。
当下我用微笑来回复，
但当时我的心在流泪你懂吗？
也许当人家来找我说心事时，
我会说有很多名言，
很多让自己开心起来的名言。
其实是要你深入地想一想，
如果我真的那么开朗，我需要那么多名言来让自己快乐吗？
每伤心一次，我就会重复地想那些名言，我当然很容易就能背起来。
但是不可否认，那些名言真的很有用。
前一阵子，我也因为朋友的事，很难过。
后来有人告诉我，
“一切都是culture的问题，不是人家不把你当好友，而是他们对好友的态度是如此。”
当初我可以接受，因为我觉得很有道理。
但是后来发现那个statement不能apply在握的情况。
因为我不在好友的名单，只是后备而已。
一切都是自己一厢情愿。
起初我不介意自己是后备，因为我尊重她们的选择。
我明白自己可能不是人家心中要的，我不介意。
因为我知道我不完美。
但是久了，我也会难过。
当你和你的好友吵架时，你才找我。
当你没有人陪的时候，你才找我。
当你需要帮忙时，你才来找我。
当你有了你的好友，你就不理我。
当你和你好友和好了，你就当我透明。
每一次，我都答应自己，
下次我不会理你，
但是每一次，
我都忘记要不理你。
结果，我还是理你了，
最后，又让自己受伤了。
我真的。。很不喜欢自己。。
————————————————————————————
也许
是自己太高傲
是自己不肯开口
是自己不想配合
是自己不肯踏出，也不让别人踏入
是自己封锁了自己
但是
我不想再抱有期望
我不想再失望了
我不想再因为他们而难过
我不想再流下眼泪
我不想因为别人而改变自己
我真的累了。。
最近朋友约我去溜冰
这让我突然很想你
因为我第一次溜冰
就是你带我去的
很想告诉你我的事情
但是 我已经没那资格
没资格 得到你的关心
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